Joy and I had a great day together on Saturday. After a rough and emotional morning we took our dogs for a hike through the woods, I took her to get a foot massage, and then we had a date night at the movies. It was a fantastic time to spend laughing and smiling; it was just what we needed.
One of my goals while dealing with all of this is to be honest with myself, God, and everyone else around me. I know what people want to hear, and I know what I'm supposed to say when asked certain questions, but I'm throwing all of that away and just being honest.
This made church especially hard on Sunday morning. We have a large circle of friends who love us there, so everyone asked the dreaded question "How are you doing?". Is there a way to answer that question honestly without yelling?
Worship was equally hard. The final song of the service was "Blessed Be Your Name". There couldn't have been a more hard hitting song for me, and when the final verse came in, repeating "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Lord Blessed be Your Name", I lost it. Prayer time with people who love us followed, but I was wiped out for the rest of the day.
I've had a lot of time to reflect today, and I think I've covered the entire spectrum of emotion while doing so. I've been angry, but I've also felt peace while hugging Joy and while spending time with my neighbors after she went to work. I am ready for rest again.
My Prayer For Today
I know how blessed we are as your people God, but I'm also a weak man. It doesn't take much for Satan to push me over, and once I'm down my first instinct isn't always to reach or look for you.
God I ask you to control my eyes when I am hurting. Firmly fix them on you. As much as I want them, I don't need answers. As much as I struggle, I don't need control. When I see you clearly I am at peace knowing that you know what is best for me.