At the first weighing-of-the-baby event two months ago she was in the 28th percentile for her age. This caused concern. A month ago they weighed her again and she was in the 18th percentile. Her growth had slowed, but she was still growing.
Yesterday they weighed her again and at 3 pounds 3 ounces she was in the 9th percentile. She had gained 9 ounces since the last weighing, so she grew, but it was much slower than we or the doctors hoped. When a baby gets into the 5th percentile its considered very dangerous and they deliver.
Before leaving the office Joy asked the specialist what his idea was on when we would deliver, and he said in three of four weeks when we do the next weight it would probably be time.
Tomorrow Joy and the baby hit 34 weeks. This is further along than I thought we would get, so I'm grateful, but I really am scared about an early delivery. Being so small and having so many issues is discouraging enough, but adding an early delivery to the process is tough.
I have a real tough time getting out of bed and starting my day, every day. But if I have clean brown socks and a clean coffee mug without having to search for them I can usually get out the door on time. I don't do the laundry, and I don't do the dishes, but every day I have those two things. Joy keeps them provided to me and it's enough for me to get going in the morning. It sounds silly, but it's true.
Very similarly God provides strength to me every day. I don't create it, and most of the time I don't have to search for it. He uses people, nature and his word to give me what I need every day. It's not easy, but as soon as I realize I'm not alone and I'm well provided for my heart is at ease. God provides.
My prayer for Today:
Thank you Father for providing us with the things I can't name. Your spiritual blessings are too numerous to count and I can't even characterize them sometimes. Peace is there; comfort is there; hope in your coming is there; but there are other blessings that fill me when I don't even know how to say what I need.
Please send the blessing now that soothes aching hearts, and please use me to bless Joy. She hurts in a way I can't understand. I trust in your love for me no matter what that means, and I know your provision is good and constant. I pray these words knowing they are the feelings I want to have. Please develop them even more deeply inside of me so they are completely honest and real.