Yesterday Joy got that call from our doctor's office. Two weeks ago they performed an amniocentesis when the ultrasound showed "great concern", and a few days later they said the initial results showed no abnormalities. The more detailed results show otherwise.
Until yesterday I had been enjoying the peace God provided, but Satan took over again with fear and worry. Sleep was terrible, work is unproductive, and I don't feel like myself. Maybe that's because the results of this test will tell me more than I want to know right now.
I've been prayerful about a lot of things over the last month (It was a month ago today when I got the call from Joy telling me the ultrasound showed some scary things.) But I've noticed my prayers changing. I still pray for miracles, but more often I'm asking God to prepare my heart and make me the strong man Joy needs.
Most people's response when I tell them what's going on is, "God is making you stronger for things to come." I've got to be honest, I hate that answer. I don't expect people to understand where we are emotionally right now, but I'm just not mature enough to accept that answer yet and that's not anyone else's fault but mine.
So, we go to the doctor at 1:30. Less than three hours away. I'm scared. Life changes today. Here is my prayer.
God, I'm ready for joy. No matter what happens today I pray that we have enough information that we are able to accept what is happening so we can find joy in our baby girl. I pray we can be happy and peaceful enough to celebrate the already effective life of our baby girl.